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badparents

Membership requests AUTO-DENIED for awhile.

Nov. 1st, 2010 | 04:48 pm
posted by: ginabuny in badparents

Apparently we got snarked in parent_drama again.

I skimmed the posts looking for something to spark it, but it must be a slow day in dramaland, cuz nothing really jumped out as particularly snarkable.

Anyway, until the nonsense subsides, membership requests will be denied immediately.

Thanks for playing!

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Mod Note

Mar. 23rd, 2010 | 02:09 pm
posted by: ginabuny in badparents

Once again, for those who are still unaware:

If you apply for membership to badparents and you are a member of parent_drama or other parenting community snarkfests, you will be automatically rejected. If you continue to spam my email with applications, you will be banned.

Thanks, and have a good day!

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Badparents Membership Is CLOSED Temporarily

Nov. 11th, 2009 | 12:45 am
posted by: ginabuny in badparents

Due to the massive influx of membership requests from snark communities, I am temporarily closing membership.

I'll re-open it at some point, but for now I'm too busy to be dealing with people who have little else to do with their time but troll a pretty nice group of people.

Thanks.

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piss off

Apr. 29th, 2009 | 09:23 pm
posted by: shannonmariah in badparents

I had just been telling Todd and Cindy over supper tonight how much Emma's been lying lately. And convincingly, too. She told me the other day that she had to sit out of phys. ed. because she didn't have proper shoes. I was secretly outraged. I had mentally constructed an email to her PE teaching pointing out that 6-year olds are not olympic athletes requiring ergonomically sound gear. Thankfully that well-researched, rational email never got sent. A week later Emma told me the same lie, and this time she giggled and her whole story came crashing down. I had to explain the difference between a joke and a lie ... one of those differences is LETTING SOMEONE CONTINUE TO BELIEVE YOU, my sweet child.

This morning I sent her down to look for some breakfast while I was blowdrying my hair. When I asked if she had eaten, she said she had. "What did you have, Em?"
"Oh, I already cleaned it up. I put my dishes in the sink."
"Well, where are your dishes then?" I asked, looking into the empty sink.
"Oh, the dishwasher, I mean. I put them in the dishwasher."
"The dishwasher is empty."
"Okay, I didn't eat. I'm not hungry."
"THEN JUST SAY THAT. I mean, just say that next time, please, sweet angel child."

Tonight after we had finished supper at the McLaren's house, Emma saw her neighbour friend, Zoe, outside and decided to join her. I knew she had been back in our house a couple of times because she needed to put better shoes on and because I kept hearing our door slam. I had left Ferris in his kennel at home, not wanting to deal with the craziness of the Lilli-Ferris show. Emma finished playing with Zoe and came back over to the McLaren's. We cleaned up and said our goodbyes and made the long trek home across the driveway. As we reach our door, Emma casually drops into conversation that one of the times she was in the house she could tell that Ferris had to pee and so she let him out but he didn't quite make it.

I froze on the front porch. "Pardon?"
"Ferris peed on the floor."
"And you're just telling me now?"
"Well, I was busy."

I walked in to find a trail of pee from the back door to the bathroom, which is also near Ferris' kennel. The concentration of the puddle near the kennel/bathroom and the high velocity pee spatter suggested that the perpitrator peed, realized he or she was peeing, tried to contain said pee, and then rushed to the door, where the pee fizzled off. Which, really, made no sense.

THEN, I turned on the bathrrom light to find an even larger puddle of pee covering most of the bathroom mat. Also puzzling, considering the amount of urine from the first puddle was sufficent enough to have emptied one bladder.

"Emma, are you sure Ferris did this?" I mean, the kid is her mother's child, after-all. On a number of ocassions we have both been known to hold it so long that we barely (or don't, in Emma's case) make it to the toilet because we CAN'T MISS OUT ON ANY FUN. What if we go to pee and that's when THE MOST FUN HAPPENS? WHAT IF.

"Yes. Ferris peed."

"Okay, but did you, pee, too?"

Her friend Zoe had given her some gum, and Emma was chewing it like she's The Shit. Oddly enough, this is helping her case and she seems really legit. But, fuck, it just doesn't make any sense. So I press on, baffled. "Emma, did you hold it so long you peed? This is a lot of pee."

"Well," chew, chew, smack, chew, "ya. I peed."

"And Ferris peed?"

"Ya."

"You and Ferris both peed on the floor and you didn't come and tell me and then you lied to me about it just now."

"Well. It was an accident."

"The pee was an accident. Sure. But you lied. Again. For the fourth time in two days. How did this happen? Why did you let Ferris out of his kennel? Why didn't you open the door in time? Why did you lie? THERE IS SO MUCH PEE ON THE FLOOR. PEE. PEE. EVERYWHERE PEE. YOU LIED, EMMA. LIED."

Oh my god, I thought my fucking head was going to pop off and land in the pee causing more spatter I'd now have to clean ... FUCKING HEADLESS. I was losing my shit, man.

"Emma, go upstairs and get ready for bed, please. There will be no bedtime stories tonight. And not because you peed on the floor. Or because Ferris peed on the floor. But because you lied about it. This is very serious Emma. And now I have a lot of pee to clean up, so please go now."

The gum smacking stopped and she was suddenly my little Emma again. "But there are always stories, mama. I want stories. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT."

"Lying isn't an accident. Go, please. I'll be up in a minute to tuck you in."

She cried all the way up the stairs and all through the disrobing and rerobing and tooth brushing and hair combing. Bawling like it was all over and nothing would ever be the same. Meanwhile a clench-jawed me was mopping up the floor. I put Ferris out on his leash at one point to find that Emma's piddle had started on the lower back deck and continued up the stairs to the upper deck into the landing of the back door and onto Steve's flipflops (which I had put on to tie up Ferris). GAH. PEE SUCKS. I HATE PEE. That was my mantra as I mopped. 

I knew it was funny. At least I knew it would be, at some point. JUST NOT FUCKING NOW.

I climbed into bed with her and held her while she continued to sob and settled into the post-trauma hiccups. I assured her that I loved her and always would, but that she needed to know how serious it is to break trust. We talked about her favourite parts of today and I made her laugh and scrunch up her tear-stained face. I kissed her on the head and told her that telling the truth is sometimes hard, but it's always important.

I came downstairs to consult my Parenting Manual to confirm that I had mostly fucked up, as usual, but got a few points for effort.

Wow. Thank god we don't have carpet downstairs.

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Mod Post!

Jan. 7th, 2009 | 10:32 am
posted by: ginabuny in badparents

Just a reminder:

If you are seeking membership in this community, you MUST have something in your userinfo that indicates you are in some way a parent/guardian/spend a lot of time caring for children.

If you do not have these details, I may go skim your journal, but if that doesn't give me some sort of indication as to your motivations for the community, I'll reject your request.

It's not a dick move on my part, it's just that we would like to keep the community as relevant as possible.

Thanks! :)

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Bad bad mommy

Aug. 28th, 2008 | 08:33 am
posted by: sprtwrid in badparents

Ok, I dont know how mny of you know the background on my current situation in my townhome. The basic story is that In may 07 our toilet broke and started overflowing on its own while we were sleeping, running for no more than 5 hours before i realized i heard water rushing. Enough water hit the floor that is leaked through the floor into my living room, then through that to my basement. Its been this long, and the complex has not fixed it (im currently in contact with a lawyer about this).
The bad parent portion of this is that I know that the prior tenents next door were evacuated out of their apartment for mold that was black. I was never alerted to whether it was black mold or not. The new tenants have been telling me they have mold showing up in their back bedroom (the same room that the prior tenant had disintegrate while vacuuming only to discover the mold was covering the entire inside wall)

Over the past year, I have been suspecting black mold being an issue in here. I can see any, but im sire if i open up the gaping hole in my ceiling, it will be rather nasty in there. I've only just now called my doctors office to ask if there is a test they can do to find out if we have been exposed to black mold or not. A post over in parenting101 reminde me today that i wanted to look up the symptoms again for being exposed, and i suddenly realized: the symptoms listed on that particular link have been more and more common over the past months.
Both of my kids have been getting more and more allergy problems. My son has been diagnosed with possible asthma (but no inhaler yet since antihistamines seem to be doing the trick of controling the weezing/coughing spells) Both kids keep breaking out with mystery rashes that pretty much look like bug bites, but have been called hives by the ER and their doc. Going back through my journal, and comparing it to the weather in my migraine log, I have found that they always break out when its most humid (when i get the really nasty migraines). Both kids have complained about headaches, fall down a lot (so i assume they are dizzy) and my son gets downright weird when its really bad.

So, I'm sitting here waiting for the doc to call back to tell me if there is a test they can run (will call the pede for the kids soon) feeling guilty because I never really looked into getting a mold check done because I trusted my complex to be able to tell me one way or another. We are all always sick, so there is something going on.

So, any good info on black mold and its symptoms? KNow any way to test yourself for exposure? Should i have someone watch the kids so i can rip out a square of my ceiling and see whats back there? I hate not knowing :(

EDIT: docs are concerned after hearing a bit more of the sitaution and know im talking to a lawyer. Going in tomorrow for my blood test and consultation.
for those who wanna read up on the entire situation: http://community.livejournal.com/law_questions/620216.html

its unlocked and has all of my original posts and whats going on now. My reason for this post is i feel bad knowing that if there is a mold problem it could be why my kids are as sick as they are now, and i waited so long to get this checked out.

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how did i get stuck with you?

Aug. 24th, 2008 | 01:45 pm
posted by: shannonmariah in badparents

Last night we borrowed Paula's truck to get Em a new bed. We were all crammed in the front, Emma in the middle with her little legs on either side of the gear shift. We stopped for a pee break, first Steve, then me. While Steve and Em were waiting in the truck for me to come out of the gas station, Steve was adjusting the towel on the seat Paula gave us before we left because she had spilled some coffee. Steve got the towel in place and Emma shoved it out of the way.

    "Why would you do that, Em?" Steve asked, a little frustrated.
    "Because I didn't want it on my side of the seat." She explained.
    "Well, it wasn't." Steve sighed as he laid out the towel again.
    Emma looked at him for a moment and said, "How did I get stuck with you?"

Yeah. Really. How did this whole business of us and her happen? It's wild. It was surreal as she buried her sleepy little head into my lap, trying to get comfortable on the drive home. This short body loves and trusts Steve and I to take care of her. To be there for her and direct her.  What a staggering gig.

God, I love her.

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accidental breeders

Aug. 21st, 2008 | 06:56 pm
posted by: shannonmariah in badparents

Hi. First-time poster. Here's what I have to say today ... why I should be and am part of the badparents community:

Holy frick; I could have written this paragraph:

Bennet-Speer says she'd never been very interested in children, but had assumed she'd have them because "that's what you do, get married and have kids." When she met her husband and he told her he didn't want to be a father, it hit her that parenthood was a choice, and she didn't have to choose it. "It sounded perfect to me," she says. "I truly was fine with [not having kids] as soon as he suggested it as a possibility."

I found this in a Salon article. It's SO interesting.

Yeah, when we were dating (actually, I think Steve waited until we were engaged to drop the bomb) and Steve confessed that he had no desire to have children, it was if he had just told me he didn't think we should breathe anymore. And it's funny that I even thought that way, because I remember telling my mom growing up that I wouldn't be having any children. At first I was just voicing a desire, and when it got such a negative reaction, I kept it up to piss her off. Partly I didn't think any man would ever want me, and partly I just really had zero interest in children. I still don't really. I mean, not in a maternal way. I have never been interested in holding people's babies. Until I had Emma and then started teaching, children scared me.

Steve's anti-child campaign really made me question my own desire to have kids. After a year or so I realized that I didn't want kids either; I was just following The Plan. (Not God's or anything, but the mandate of society to settle down, buy a home and breeeeeed. Yanno?) Once I started to play around with the idea of having a choice, I really started to get used to and excited over the idea of a child-free life.

And then I went off the pill because I'm drug-phobic. And for almost a year I charted my body's comings and goings, and then one Boxing Day 2001 we got frisky (the rents had just left and we had a curtain for a bedroom door and a shoe box for a house), and I had neglected to check my fluids that morning and thought really -- in a healthy woman at any given time there only like a 33% chance -- so what the hell: let's just do IT. And WHAMO: along comes our little Emmie. And I love her, I mean ... well ... I could have written this part too:

"You will find women who say, on the one hand, 'I love my children, they're profoundly fulfilling and I can't imagine not having had them.' But on the other hand they'll say, 'Boy, this is really stressful."

And we took Emma to Wal-Mart tonight. Which, really, is always a bad decision. Have you ever seen a happy family at Wal-Mart that makes you think "Golly gee! Those little whippersnappers are so gosh darnn adorable that I'd sure like to make some of my own!" No; I've only seen the "screaming and out of control" variety. The ones that make you SO glad you get to go home, walk to your bedroom without worry of stepping on Polly Pocket limbs, and take a NAP!

Anyway. I honestly DO love Emma. She's beautiful and amazing and I can't believe that she's mine and part of me. And then there are days when ... fuck: I can't believe she's mine and part of me.

Oh my little munchie-munch ... don't be damaged by this when you read it. Your mother adores you and is doing the freaking best that she can. But this is seriously the HARDEST thing she's EVER had to do. And I just want to do it so well that it paralyzes me sometimes. I'm super glad you're alive and part of my life. It doesn't stop me from being overwhelmed, unfortunately. And tired. And seriously lacking a social life. And longing for naps. And impatient in Wal-Mart. 

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Hi. (Another Mod Note!)

May. 22nd, 2008 | 12:10 pm
posted by: ginabuny in badparents

Ok, so I'm having an influx of requests to join.

If you have recently requested to join and are a member of parent_drama or any other parent-group snark communities, you will be rejected.

That's just how it is, and that's how it will remain. If someone slipped by me after my 3 hours of crappy sleep last night...oops!

Nobody here needs the nonsense involved in snark communities...we're all friends and we're here to support one another. Take your childish nonsense elsewhere. Thanks! :)

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Funny badparenting

May. 15th, 2008 | 08:47 am
posted by: sprtwrid in badparents

So, after my break down in yesterdays post, I decided I should post a funny one. My son has an obsession with his belly button. Its an innie/outie which basically means sometimes it sticks out, but other times its flat.Anyhow, its been a running joke that he will eat until his "timer" pops. He will eat so much at one time, that his belly button pops out. Recently when he started going on a food strike, I made the joke that he couldnt get up from the table until his timer popped. So now, at every meal he will ask about every three bite "my timer pop yet?" It took me a day before i realized what he was asking (he has a weird accent like me, but I have a hard time when other people share my accent).

It doesnt take much food to make it pop out (maybe a few bites under the typical serving size) but I feel bad making him eat until his "timer pops". The waitress at the restaurant gave me the funniest look when he lifted his shirt and asked her if his timer was done. I had to explain that hes asking if he ate enough, and she just laughed and said it was a good idea.

What strange things have your kids said to strangers that caused a head slap moment for you?
edit: fixed some of my typos :P

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